Mind, Matter, and Me

I Don’t Control the Tidal Wave

I know my eldest brothers least favorite movie.

I know that this is a movie he completely and utterly despises. So much so, that when we went to go see it in theatre on Christmas day, he walked out after no more than 30 minutes of the movie. He also, on his IMDB app, rated it the lowest out of every TV show or Movie he’s ever seen in his ENTIRE LIFE. He talks about this so called “worst movie of all time” at least once a month.

I think he has dragged this gag out for as long as he has because I absolutely adore this movie. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time. Being his younger sister, it must be some older brother requirement to see how often he can evoke a reaction out of me. And let me tell you, he gets one every time he rips on this movie.

The movie in question is Little Women, the 2019 version.

I watched the movie yesterday with my roommate and we both sat on the couch enraptured by the film. I cried no less than 5 times. 10 times max. I sat there quietly crying at all the beautiful moments shared between the four sisters, their family, their neighbors, and their friends. The love they share, the gratitude they have, the hardships they carry.

As little bits of wisdom are sprinkled all through out the film, my roommate and I sit there just “hmph”-ing our agreeance and acknowledgement to what was just shared.

Jo, the main character, is someone I have trouble loving and trouble hating. She is so determined to maintain her independence, keep her family afloat, and is certain that what she believes is right and just. Which I love! and I support! I scream yes to independent women! I appreciate a caregiver in a family! I love confidence in your ideas and self! But it also comes to a fault. Such a fault where you see how her thinking can be damaging.

At one point, her and her sister Beth are at the beach. (Spoiler coming I think?) Beth is sick and feels like she is going to die soon. Beth says this about her impending death, “Its like a tide going out. It goes out slowly but it cannot be stopped”. and Jo replies, “I can. I can stop it”

What made me give my “hmph” of acknowledgement to this statement was the fact that I think I find myself thinking I hold more power over life than I do. Similar to Jo thinking she can stop an inevitable death. I cried then, obviously (because the sister was dying, because I recognized a toxic way of thinking that I find myself doing, because the cinematography is beautiful in this scene).

Often times, I like to believe that I have constant control over what goes on in my life. And what this does to me, is it harms me. What really happens is that when something bad occurs or when something in the category of a fault or mistake or wrong doing or unexpected outcome transpires, I then, in my head, end up taking the blame. I had control. I always have control. I didn’t stop it fast enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t intervene soon enough.

But that is not true. I am not God. I am not the Universe. I am not a higher power. Life is like a tide going out, it goes and it cannot be stopped.

What I deserve to give myself is grace and understanding. I don’t hold power in most of what happens to me in this life. All I can try to do is embrace this tidal wave that is life, no matter how slowly or quickly it rolls through for me.

Everyone deserves that. I hope you give it to yourself, too. I hope we can body surf the tidal wave of life together. Because the one thing I can control in this life, is who I choose to surround myself with.

So far, my people continue to be the best. I am proud of them and myself for that.

I mean look at this photo.

Isn’t that shot just beautiful? Everyone needs to watch Little Women. It makes me nostalgic for childhood. It makes me want to grow up all over again. It makes me want a sister… but most importantly, it also has so many nuggets of wisdom.

It has reminded me I don’t have complete control, and I can therefore stop hating myself for things that I can’t control. I can let go and let be:)

Your body surfing buddy,

Me

“A reminder that no matter what we lose, no matter how uncertain and unpredictable life gets, some people really do walk next to you forever” – Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir

Some other time, we will have to discuss Jo’s conversation with her mom where she says “I care more to be loved” and her mom replies, “That is not the same as loving”. Another biiiggg “HMMPHHH” to that. XOXO

mindmatterandme

One response to “I Don’t Control the Tidal Wave”

  1. Papa Avatar
    Papa

    I’d like to seem smart and pretend these are my comments, but you know better.

    Find meaning: Difficult challenges can be overwhelming, but finding meaning and purpose can help you cope. Reflect on what is truly important to you and strive to align your actions with your values.
    Be flexible and adaptable: Be open to new ideas and be willing to change course if necessary. The ability to adapt is crucial for overcoming obstacles and moving forward.
    “Once we truly know that life is difficult — once we truly understand and accept it — then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” — M. Scott Peck
    Focus on what you can control: Instead of worrying about things you can’t control, focus on what you can control and take action to improve them.
    Keep things in perspective: When facing tough challenges, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and exaggerate the importance of the problem. Try to keep things in perspective, and remind yourself that, while the challenge may seem difficult, it is not the end of the world.
    Stay resilient: Life’s most demanding challenges can knock you down, but it’s essential to get back up and keep going. Cultivate resilience by focusing on your strengths, learning from your mistakes, and seeking help and support when needed.
    Embrace change: Life is constantly changing, and being adaptable and open to new opportunities is essential for thriving. Embrace change as a chance to grow and learn.
    Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Recognize that everyone goes through struggles, and you must be patient with yourself as you work through them.
    Seek out positivity: Surround yourself with positive people and things that bring you joy. Focusing on the good things in your life can help you stay motivated and optimistic.
    Embrace uncertainty: Life is uncertain, and learning to accept it is crucial for your sanity. Embrace the uncertainty and be open to new possibilities.
    Practice mindfulness: Learn to stay present at the moment. It can also help you better understand yourself and your emotions, which can be valuable in navigating life’s tough roads.
    Let go of perfectionism: Perfectionism can hold you back and make it difficult to cope in life. It’s important to remember that mistakes and failures are normal, and it’s okay not to be perfect.
    Prioritise self-care: Taking care of yourself should be a top priority, especially during tough times. Get enough sleep, exercise, and eat well to maintain your physical and mental well-being.
    Reframe negative thoughts: Negative thoughts can hold you back and make it difficult to overcome challenges. Reframe negative thoughts by challenging them with positive and realistic thoughts.
    Practice forgiveness: Holding onto anger, resentment, and grudges can make moving forward from tough experiences. Practice forgiveness towards yourself and others as it can help to release negative emotions and promote emotional well-being.
    Learn from even hard experiences: Every experience, whether positive or negative, can be a valuable learning opportunity. Take the time to reflect on what you’ve learned from your experiences and how you can apply that knowledge in the future.
    Keep a sense of humor: Laughter and a sense of humor can be powerful tools for challenging experiences. Don’t take yourself too seriously; try to find humor in difficult situations.
    Practice self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and actions during difficult times. This self-reflection can help you to gain a better understanding of yourself and how you respond to challenges.
    You’re going to go through tough times — that’s life. But I say, ‘Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.’ See the positive in negative events. — Joel Osteen
    Cultivate gratitude and appreciation: Focusing on what you’re thankful for can help you maintain a positive outlook. Take time each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for and appreciate the good in your life.
    Keep a growth mindset: That means believing you can grow and improve through effort and learning. This mindset can help you to see challenges as opportunities for growth and development.
    Find inspiration: Find inspiration in others who have faced similar challenges and overcome them. Their stories can provide motivation and remind you that you are not alone in your struggles.

    Pops

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