Mind, Matter, and Me

My summer was mostly all blissful. I mean how could it not be when I got to spend it in the most gorgeous of places with my favorite people to have as company and companions.

However, one of the most distressing days for me on this trip of a life time was on Carries birthday.

Not only on this day did I throw up and have diarrhea, all in the same toilet use, (lets just get it out there. Im sorry you had to find out this way it just that this image being painted helps with the comparison I’m about to draw. xoxo) I also lost my Apple Watch to the Tyrrhenian Sea. Which to me, was way way worse than the former.

The funny thing about having diarrhea and vomiting at the same time, is afterwords you feel amazing. Again, sorry for all the information (but not really, it’s a hilarious story to tell in person, just ask me). But after losing my Apple Watch, you would have thought I was just attacked by a shark.

We were anchored down somewhere (not a correct boat term i’m sure) and Carrie, Collette, and I were having our fun with jumping into the beautiful water! Diving and splashing and giggling. I took a dive with my Watch, as I had done previously 2349852 times before that day. When I resurfaced after the dive, I screamed so fucking loud. Everyone on the boat was panicked that I was hurt. Which was very kind because I was a stranger to everyone but 2 people. I had to reassure them all that physically I was fine, but emotionally I was in RUINES. RUINES I TELL YOU. With the hyperventilating and panic I was experiencing, Carrie, my dearest and most darling Carrie, got in the water with goggles and searched for the Watch as people from the boat shouted where they think they saw it from above. Happy 21st Birthday Carrie ❤

The point of this anecdote is to show you how much unnecessary value I hold to my Apple Watch. When me and my Watch parted ways off the coast of Capri, I was upset partly because of the money I would have to spend to replace it, but mostly I was in shambles because for the remainder of our trip (we were 1/2 way through with the trip) I wouldn’t be able to have my steps counted. I wasn’t going to be able to know how much I walked that day or how many calories I burned, as if having them recorded was the only way to validate the exercise I gave my body.

I feel like a prisoner to my Apple Watch.

I start outdoor walks on my mile walk to class, I get frustrated when I am 20 minutes into an activity and forget to start workout on my watch, I sometimes compare my progress to my friends progress that is shared with me, and I try everything I can in order to hit my goals for the day. And the more I reflect on it, the more unhealthy my tendencies seem. This one is bad but its true and I promised to be truthful… sometimes I use the numbers on my apple watch to validate the things I eat and consume. I will allow my self to indulge in ice cream or chips because my Watch says I burned 750 active calories today.

This is not the way I want to view food, its not the relationship I want to have with exercise, its not the amount of power I want a time teller to have over me.

It’s not every time that I work out I do it solely for my Watch or its not every time eat an extra snack I do it because my Watch says its okay to. But I notice it more when these things are influenced by my Watch. Then, I hate myself all the more for it because there are days I work out because I want to become stronger physically. There are days I don’t think twice about what I am consuming because GIRLL TREAT YO SELFFFF and life is hard enough with out you making yourself and tummy happy with delicious treats.

But I just wish I cared less.

And heres the thing: the only way I can start to care less is if I acknowledge that I care too much. Which is what I am doing now. I care too much about what my Apple Watch says. I feel imprisoned by what it tells me.

This is what I hope to do about it… I hope to go Apple Watch free for a week.

As I (still) live my life on a planned schedule and I have the compulsive need to know the time at all times, I am going to purchase a watch that only tells me the time and I’m going to continue to be as active as I try to be every week and see where that takes me and my mental health.

I will report back! I still gotta order the watch though because I just decided I was going to do that. Felt weird writing about it but doing nothing to solve it… So I came up with a plan!

If this resonates with any single soul, I see you and I understand you. Lets buy shitty watches and try this out together ❤

Sorry I told you all about the time I shat and threw up on a boat. (is shat a proper word?)

Your soon to be early 2000s grudge girl with a Digital watch,

Me

Just looked it up for everyone