Mind, Matter, and Me

I’m trying to revolutionize the way I view love. Specifically, romantic love.

I follow an Instagram account called @latenightepiphanies_ and it’s one of my favorite instagram follows. It’s an Instagram account that posts epiphanies, hence the name, and what this account is helping me do is reevaluate the way I approach love and my mindset towards love.

I’ve been living in an overall negative headspace for quite some time and I’m eager to change that. I’ve realized that the only way my mindset and headspace going to change is through me. No one‘s going to come and magically make me better besides myself. The work is up to me.

Okay that is all a little side tangent to the fact that this latenightepiphanies account posted about romantic love and the weight we, as a society, let it hold. What the post covered in brevity was that when we focus on and idolize romantic love, we tend to neglect appreciating and noticing the various other types of love that surround us in this life.

I, personally, hold romantic love to the highest esteem. I idolize it. I think I do this because it has been so beautifully modeled for me by the various couples I admired as I grew up and was learning what love and, more specifically, romantic love is. That being said, when it came time in my and my peers lives to start experiencing and experimenting with romantic love, I always have felt like I fall short. Plainly speaking, I feel behind on my romantic love endeavors. And factually speaking, I am behind. But I am only behind from the standards of society, and with the pressure it puts on young men and women to place high value on and rush towards romantic love. But what about the other types of love I know I have in plentiful and bountiful amounts?

There is love all around me.

I have parents who I know would do anything and everything to ensure my happiness and success. Who hold a grudge towards those who have been unkind to me because they are lovingly protective. Parents who help me see the good in life when it all feels bad and who allow me to express my emotions and opinions with out judgement. That is love.

I have two sets of grandparents (I know, I am ridiculously lucky) who get excited to hear about the most mundane things that are happening or have happened in my life. Grandparents who value nothing more than time with me and my family and who genuinely care to get to know my friends. Every grandparent has cared to get to know me on their own, outside of my siblings, parents, cousins, and family. That is love

I have two brothers. Both who supposedly don’t read this blog. But I know love me despise my terrible habits that they lived with for too long. Brothers who still invite me to their big poker nights even when they know I am going to say no. One brother who hugs me when I ask to be hugged and one brother who lets me visit his cat whenever I want. That is love. (But it would be nice of them to read my blog)

I have my friends. My friends my friends my friends. I could write a whole 3 part series on how much I adore my friends. I have friends who support me more than anything else. Who encourage me to step outside of my comfort zone, who love to celebrate my accomplishments with me and who remind me that life is not over when I feel I missed the mark. I have friends that are fucking hilarious and make me cry of laughter. I have friends that show me they love me in a million little big huge fat thin short tall round square ways.

I have the people I know in various different settings but don’t know if we call each other friends or acquaintances (that feels too formal?) or peers (that seems too distant?). These people give the most refreshing, renewing love. They wish me well, they support me, they are kind to me, they hug me, or they even compliment me, but it all feels undeserved because I don’t know them that well. However, I chose to define that what they are showing me as love. Because it comes from the goodness of their hearts.

Lastly and most importantly, I have me. Self love. This is a love I am not well versed in but I am just starting to commit to. I hope to be kind to my body by exercising it, feeding it well, and also treating it to ice cream, chips, and a day of rest. I am starting to reaffirm myself of my accomplishment and my capabilities. I am stopping before I talk negatively to myself and instead commending my efforts to be better and encouraging more positive outlooks. I am telling myself what I am feeling does not define who I am as a being. That is love

The point in this is that love surrounds me and the life I live daily. I have an absence of this valued romantic love, but caring about the tiny lack of one type of love has enabled me to discredit and dismiss the love that encompasses me. And I don’t want to let one absent piece of my life to feel bigger and heavier than the abundance of live-giving love I already have. So I wont. And I don’t want anyone else to have to either. Being appreciative of the various types of love in our lives is a fricken game changer.

I will say my thank you’s to my parents, my grandparents, my brothers, my friends, and my people. I will remind you that romantic love is not the only type of love that exists. Reevaluating the value I held to romantic love has helped me shift my perspective from grieving the things I have lost to celebrating the things that I have.

I love love! All types of loves!

Your romantically struggling but no longer totally down in the dumps about it friend,

me