Mind, Matter, and Me

I have an infinity of love for every Pixar and Disney movie but Inside Out was especially calling my name the other day, so I gave it a rewatch. What I love about this movie is the simplistically beautiful way the creators break down personalities, emotions, and the brain to the intended age group which is not 21 year old adults, but 6-9 year olds.

I cried with in the first 5 minutes. When Riley is born and they introduce all the emotions and give us the synopsis of her first 11 years of life is when I first cry because it feels exciting and immersive and nostalgic. But I cried about 3 more times in the movie and absolutely sobbed as I learned more about myself and the emotions that run rampage through us all.

I learned the most from this rewatch of Inside Out through the relationship between Joy and Sadness. Joy is constantly upbeat and hopes for everyone to be happy and joyful. She wants to be the one in control, the main emotion. For this reason, she thinks Sadness is a bit of a pest. She ruins everyones fun and she puts a real damper on the mood. At one point in Joy and Sadness’s adventure back to headquarters they run into Bing Bong, Riley’s old imaginary friend. Bing Bong is worried about being forgotten by Riley and is struggling to accept the change that is approaching. When Bing Bong is upset, Joy tries everything she can to cheer him up. Nothing works. Sadness comes, sits next to him and validates his feelings. She says things like “They took something that you loved, I am sorry” and ” I bet you and Riley had great adventures”. Joy this entire time thinks Sadness is making things worse. In the end, Bing Bong cries to Sadness and says he is feeling better. Joy is floored and confused at how Sadness could have been helpful, to which Sadness replies “He was sad, so I just listened”.

What makes me cry about this interaction is the immense empathy Sadness shows towards Bing Bong. Being Sadness, she understands the emotion best. She comprehends what Bing Bong is feeling and knows that it’s hard, difficult, and painful. She empathizes with Bing Bong. And thats all he needed. She listens, doesn’t offer opinions or advice, and she gives Bing Bong his space to figure out what he is feeling.

This is what I want to work on. As a friend, it is so easy for us to give others our opinions and our advice when most times our friends are simply looking for someone to listen, someone to validate their feelings, or someone to guide them towards the answers that live inside of them.

I had a friend come to me with something they were struggling with and I could have easily given an opinion. But I chose to ask them the question, “How does this all make you feel?”. From that question and a series of other questions, I was able to guide my friend to be honest with themselves and their feelings. They were able to arrive at a concluding feeling on their own without my influence and solely based on what they know to be true about themselves and the issue at hand. What I did when my friend was taking me through their struggles was I empathized, I listened, and I guided.

I thought further about the people I have gone to with struggles or issues or things that were weighing on me. I realized that most times when I am upset about something, I am looking for someone to listen to me and tell me I am not insane for feeling this way. I am looking for someone who will ask me the hard questions so I can face the music, but not alone. I feel best supported in that way. The opinions on how others would deal with things if they were me are not always helpful, because they are not me. They dont know me best. I know me best. That is why I think guiding one another through introspective questions is the best practice rather than giving an opinion or advice.

Listen. Empathize. Guide.

Later in the movie, when I cry again, Joy realizes that Sadness is essential for Riley to function wholly. Joy gives Sadness the opportunity to take over because Riley needs to express her sadness in order to receive the support and love she needs. So that she can feel Joy again.

The thing that is most crazy to me is my reflection on emotions, empathy, Joy and Sadness, and friendship all come from a Pixar movie, a movie intended for 6-9 year olds. What is great about this movie is how plainly it introduces these topics to children with young developing minds. There are so many layers to the movie that will be discovered with every rewatch through out the ages. There is so much teaching to be done.

I implore you to try something new when your friend come to you with something they are having a difficult time with. Listen to them, empathize with them, and guide them towards the answer that lives with in them.

Also watch Inside Out again and let me know if you also cried ❤

Your friend,

Me

Link to the scene I recall from Inside Out where Sadness listens and empathizes

Link to the scenes where Joy learns the importance of Sadness